Still small voice

On Sundays at my church, after musical worship there is usually some sort of artistic expression related to the talk that is about to be given.  A video, skit, improv, spoken word, song or dance.  Today there was a dance, and it just hit a nerve and spoke to me.  I was reflecting on how that been true for almost every dance I’ve seen at church over the last year.  For some reason, God speaks to me and moves me through dance.  That’s new. 

On that note, as I think about making another transition, I’ve been realizing that I feel that I’ve grown in so many ways this year.  New and unexpected ways.  More on that later.

Yay

The position I’m at now isn’t the position I originally applied for.  Sometime after my first interview, they told me the position had been filled, but would I be open to continuing the application process for another position.  I said sure.  And I got the job.

On Friday I found out that they had actually filled the position I originally applied for before they called me in for the first interview.  But one manager liked my resume so much she pushed for an interview so they could get me in some position.

That was encouraging.  Especially as I’m going back to the job search.

Also, I really only had ministry experience on there.  I remember feeling so hopeless about getting a job with just ministry experience.  It shows that no matter what kind of work experience you have, presenting an excellent resume can catch someone’s eye.  It’s also hopeful for anyone transitioning from ministry into the working world.  You are marketable.

Resume

I’ll be working on my resume tonight, while staying tuned to the election coverage.  Will found a job that would be great for me out there.  Now I just need to get off my lazy butt and apply for it.  I really hope I get it.  It would be perfect!

Except for one thing.

I would have to drive to work.  sigh.

Prop 8

Please check out a site my friend created:

http://christians-against-prop8.tumblr.com/

Two weeks?

I’m not sure when I should let my work know that I’m leaving.  I know two weeks is the norm.  But I will have known I was leaving for about 6 months by that time, and I feel guilty about it.  I think it would have been okay to give just two weeks.  But now we are starting to plan and schedule for November through March, and I think the master calendar is going to be solidified this week.  I feel bad because my leaving will leave a gap in the configurations for our auditing and will leave my partner/team scrambling to compensate for my absence.  

I almost wonder if I should just let them know tomorrow.  But that would be a bit awkward.  I’d be a lame duck for 6 weeks.

Enneagram

I love the enneagram.  Well, I love all things personality test/type-ish.  But I really LOVE the enneagram.  It is so deep, insightful and complex.  I always get something new out of it, even if it’s the same book.  

I’ve been thinking about the enneagram again as I get ready for marriage.  For those who are familiar with it, I’m a 1 who is marrying a 9.  I found this online.

 

Enneagram Type One (the Reformer)
with
Enneagram Type Nine (the Peacemaker)

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

These types understand each other from the inside as it were, and for better or worse, can see many of their own traits in the other. On the positive side, each type brings a certain idealism and desire to change the world to make it a better place. Nines bring a more interpersonal orientation than Ones to their idealism, but both can be self-sacrificial and hard working, and willing to put their personal needs and interests aside for the welfare of others. Both are also able to delay rewards for a long-term good they seek. Ones bring clarity and rationality and the ability to articulate ideals and understandings. They strive to improve themselves and their environment, are conscientious, have high ethical and moral standards, and are fair and consistent. Nines bring a gentle, accepting quality that nurtures and supports others without as much explicit demand for self-improvement. Nines are steady, easy to get along with, feel uncritical and undemanding, and prefer harmony and smooth relations over the pleasure of being right or of having the last word in a situation.

In short, Nines tend to take a bit of the rough edge off of the criticality and seriousness of Ones, while Ones give clarity and direction to Nines. Further, Ones feel that they have a mission in life, and they are able to inspire Nines to become aware of their own purpose and to want to follow it. This can be a highly altruistic couple who balance idealism with humanity. As a couple, they are gracious company, hospitable and generous, but they also need time to be alone with each other as a couple. They have a mutual love of nature and animals that may bring them closer together, as well as their love of their children and family. Nines soothe Ones, while Ones remind Nines to strive for excellence.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

The main problem area for Ones and Nines has to do with the opposite ways that they deal with conflicts and rising stress. Ones tend to become more openly frustrated with themselves and others and with the feeling that things are not going as they should. They begin to exude a prickly anger, edginess, and dissatisfaction with everything and everyone. They become obsessed with finding who is at fault, and with legislating how things could be improved. By contrast, when conflicts and stress increase, Nines begin to shut down and withdrawn. They become less effective at correcting problems and less able to speak about their feelings or discomfort. The worse things become, the more Nines attempt to tune them out while maintaining that nothing is the matter. Thus, judgments about the Nine’s judgment and competence and willingness to take responsibility taint the One’s dealings with Nines, while resistance and denial of problems (with a barely suppressed undertow of anger) infect the Nine.

It is difficult for Nines to step up to the plate and take the level of responsibility that Ones are looking for. The more Ones push Nines to respond in the way they want, the less Nines are willing and able to do so, and they retreat into more widespread passive-aggressive behavior. To Ones, this feels like willful resistance and culpable negligence. The quiet indifference of the Nine only infuriates the One all the more. In short, it is difficult for Ones to respect Nines, just as it is difficult for Nines to feel comfortable with (and able to express themselves to) Ones. Ones eventually become more self-righteous and intolerant while Nines become more uncommunicative and stubbornly unresponsive. Others find it very difficult to be around this pair because of the obvious, painful zingers pointed at the Nine by the One-and because of the aura of barely suppressed rage coming from the Nine. This couple gets frozen in their anger, with no way to melt the impasse.

For further distinctions between types One and Nine, see Understanding the Enneagram, pages 206 to 207.

 

Oh man, this is SO us.  This is so ME!  I’m trying to find another 1 and 9 couple to get some wisdom and perspective from.  Know any out there?

Jesus the social worker

I’ve been reading through Matthew slowly (and very inconsistently, I must admit).  On Saturday I was sitting at a coffee shop praying, reading and reflecting.  I came upon several passages where Jesus healed people, one after another.  First the two demon-possessed men, then the paralytic, then the tax collector (emotional healing), and the woman who had bled for 12 years, then the daughter of a ruler, then the blind, then a demon-possessed man who could not talk.

I’ve read these passage a bajillion times but they struck me in a fresh way.  I think it had to do with the fact that I walk by crazy people every day in downtown, because my office is near Skid Row.  I don’t know if they are “demon-possessed”, but they sure do have mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and practical issues.  There are people peeing on the building, “preaching” on the street corner, selling drugs, prostituting themselves, wheeling around in wheelchairs, talking to themselves, begging for money, wandering around, not too clean and not smelling too nice.

Not only that, but I have participants from programs come in or call to voice complaints.  A lot of times these people have some serious issues.  Ranging from pettiness to paranoia.  Last week one shelter had someone wake up with scabies, and another man die.  That same shelter has the neighborhood in bitter uproar against them and a participant complaining that she got her bag stolen and the staff are plotting against her.

A few months ago I attended a community meeting.  The businesses around one of the shelters were real angry at the shelter and had submitted a bunch of complaints.  Everyone was there.  Us, the police dept., the councilwoman’s office, the businesses and the shelter.  I won’t go into the details but it went poorly.  Everyone was yelling at each other and one person was cussing people out.  I experienced such grief at that meeting.  It was the first time I cried out to God at work and tears welled up.  I asked God to bring peace.  I just said “Help!”.  

I am beginning to grasp how complex the issue of homelessness is in LA.  I feel for the business owners whose neighborhood has been impacted by the trash, urine and presence of the homeless.  And I feel for the shelter who is trying to serve the homeless.

When I read these passage in Matthew, I thought.  Gosh, what if Jesus were here?  These people would flock to him.  And he would love on these broken people who have no home.  And he would befriend the business owner like he did the tax collector.

I feel so overwhelmed sometimes.  It’s good to think about these things though.

A first

Today our managers took time to celebrate the completion of our audits and the various other projects we’ve been working on.  

I’ve been at my job for 11 months now, and this was the first time we did such a thing.  I find that there isn’t a culture of gratitude and celebration.  This is unfortunate because I think a little bit of affirmation and acknowledgement can go a long way in raising morale.  

Well, today was different.  We had a coffee and donuts time in the morning where the managers verbally acknowledged the work we had done and even mentioned that we don’t do this often enough.  Then, they took us out to lunch – their treat!

It was really a great way to end the week, and I commend them for stepping up in that way.  Yay for good leadership in the workplace!

Displacement

Did I mention I’m getting married and moving to Chicago in January?  I wasn’t sure if I did.

I’ve been experiencing quite some anxiety about all the change, especially as the change of leaving staff did not come easily for me.

But there is something I am looking forward to.  A friend told me that when you go to a new place, things that were inside of you that you were never really aware of begin to surface.  New passions, desires, new things about your personality.  

I think there will be a freedom in going to a place where I am not known as the ex-staff worker.  I hope so.

The non-profit world

This year I was exposed to the non-profit world.  I was always part of a non-profit in IV, but I expanded my horizons through my job.

About 4 months into the job, there was a period where I became extremely disillusioned with the non-profit world.  Here’s why.  Non-profits have very little outside or circumstantial motivation to be excellent.  It’s not like their profits will decrease if they start sucking.  No.  Every year, no matter what they do, they’ll get their money from the government, from foundations and private donors.  I talked about entitlement before, and I noticed a huge sense of entitlement among non-profits that went something like this:  you don’t know what I have to deal with, I know my work best, you can’t tell me what to do.  Just give me my money.

For years, our organization gave everyone their money with no accountability.  These are taxpayers’ hard-earned dollars.  Now, with a new regime in our executive management, change has started to come.  

I’m not saying all non-profits are like this.  For six months I audited 2-5 programs a week.  I got to see a large portion of the agencies that serve homeless people in the city.  Some were excellent.  But unfortunately, this was the exception, not the rule.

Lastly, I don’t feel very challenged or developed at my job.  Maybe this is also a staff thing.  I’m not sure if this is true in corporate.  I don’t need to be highly invested in.  But sometimes I wish there were some people above me that I could look up to, strive to be like – a model of someone who is striving for excellence, and an intelligent and adept leader who is great at what they do.