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Since moving to Chicago, I’ve had a lot of time alone. There were times when I had a particular feeling. I identified the feeling as the same sort of feeling I had when I went on prayer retreats. At first I felt restless. Without work, friends, church or community, I didn’t have much to do. Even beyond that, I felt stripped of my identity and value. People here don’t know who I am. They know me as Will’s wife. I cringed inside when people asked me what I do. Unemployed, I’d respond.
But I have come to savor this time. God knows me so well. I’m grateful to have had this time to pray, reflect, think and be alone. I’ve been able to get my feet planted in the city, discover places around town and I’ve come to really love this place already. I don’t think I would’ve had that if I started work immediately.
I’m also more comfortable with being unemployed. My identity is not in the work I do, but in who I am. Being away from everything, everyone and expectations has brought about a refreshing freedom to figure out who I really am.
Today Will and I were planning on going to a small group together. I went last week and enjoyed it, and was looking forward to going with Will. Early this afternoon, he told me he just received an email saying it was cancelled. When I asked him why, he said they cancelled it because it’s supposed to be zero degrees tonight. Bummer!
Well, those small group members need to learn some resilience. Just kidding.
After being heavily involved in ministry as a college student for two years and then devoting my life to campus ministry for another six years, I decided to leave. And the shock was pretty major. I made that transition 8 months ago. Since then I have undergone some personal change, asked a lot of questions, been immersed in many a good conversation, and had a plethora of thoughts about life, work and spirituality.
I hesitated about starting this blog because for one, I didn’t want my bosses to find this and read it (doh!). And two, I didn’t want it to become just another venting and complaining forum. But I hope that this can be a place to process things and dialogue with others as I continue on this journey.
So here I go…
