Here’s what a friend wrote to me after reading my blog:

“One thing that I have had to adjust is my paradigms of what is faithful.  I ‘grew up’ spiritually thinking that full time ministry or inner city living was the ultimate.  Doing other things was either settling or result of fear.  That is changing now – as I am experiencing being called into a profession/vocation.”

I had the hardest time committing to my now boyfriend because he wasn’t in full time ministry.  It’s weird.  I never thought I wanted to date/marry someone who was, but when it came down to it, it was really a mentally barrier I had to overcome.  As I wrestled with this, what came up was that although I would never have articulated this, I didn’t think he was “faithful” because he was working a normal job.  But then when I left staff, I was faced with the fact that if this were true, I was no longer faithful either.  And it obviously created some problems for me. 

I remember another friend wrote in an e-mail, a few months after leaving staff that they were thinking about questions like “Does God know that I exist now that I’m no longer in full-time ministry?”.  I could relate with this.  It is funny how our true beliefs surface when we make such transitions.

I really had to sort through my beliefs and my paradigms of what it meant to be faithful.  When I left staff, I also began to worry about my finances, which was not much of an issue while I was on staff.  Because back then, I knew that I was doing God’s work, so it was on God to provide for me.  Which is true.  But then when I left, it was like, “well, I’m not doing God’s work anymore so it’s time I started providing for myself.  I’m on my own now.”  I really had to wrestle through that one and realize that God would continue to provide for me, even though I wasn’t doing full-time ministry (it seems like a no-brainer but it really wasn’t for me).

I’m still working out each day what it means for me to be faithful.  I have talked some about prayer already.  But there are so many other areas that I continue to think about.  I have been encouraged lately by an older couple at my church.  I recently got to meet the wife because she came to teach at my small group.  They both work regular jobs, and she is super teachable and passionate about God and community.  I hope to learn from her and others during this season.